Feeling grateful (6/6/2013)

Today really has been the best day so far; so many things happened…

So I woke up in the morning as per usual at 4:30 am and I went to get two buckets of water; the time had come for me to wash my clothes… hand wash my clothes. I put the soap in one of the buckets took my dirty clothes and started scrubbing. And you know what? It wasn’t even that bad, actually it was kind of calming. When I was done I hung the clothes up on the washing line outside my room. I looked at the buckets and damn I never thought that I’d ever be proud of dirty water.

I went to Pooja and then to breakfast where we had the thin bread (found out that it is called Chapati) and I had it with jam which I bought the day before at the village shop. Then I had an hours break, then class …this time I got to class at the right time. The little monks were all there and we started. I had talked with mom the day before and she had given me tons of good advice about teaching, suggesting that I teach very visually with a mind map and pictures. So that’s what I did. I let the kids decide which topic to study; family, food or farms, and they all chose food. Hectic, but great, energy followed. I asked what fruits they knew and they’d all get excited and yell the names of different fruits… I kept it simple for the first serious lesson, tomorrow I plan to teach them how to talk about their favorite food and preparing the food. But really the best thing was the fact that they all brought there ID cards (the ones we made the day before) to class! One of them had even gotten a plastic cover for it and pinned it to his shirt… hilarious. Seeing them so proud of something that I helped them make was just so rewarding; I could’ve shed a tear… then again I always feel like shedding a tear.

Some of the monks in the older class
releasing their inner Bieber...

Then the oldest class came into the class room. The day before we had decided that we’d do song writing today, and also the day before one of the monks had confessed that he loved singing. So the class started with us all encouraging him to sing something for us (I even got out my flashlight, you know, as a spot light). In the end he agreed, he sang an English pop song whose name I don’t know, but he was actually really good! When he was done applause ensued. Then I started explaining song writing to them, starting with the concept of rhyming, which none of them knew about. I explained that in almost every single song out there there is at least one rhyme, so I asked them which artists they liked. The monks all pointed to one of the other monks and said that he was the biggest Justin Bieber fan… so using JB songs I explained what rhymes were… “I know you love me, I know you CARE, just shout whenever and I’ll be THERE” YEP. Then I gave them a starting sentence in past, present and future tense, they could choose the tense they wanted to write in and had to make a rhyme with the first line, which was either “today was such a good day” or “today is such a good day” or “today is going to be such a good day”… When making the starting sentence the day before I first wanted to do something about love (you know, because most songs are about love) but I had decided that was maybe a bad idea because I was feeling all unsure thinking about whether having a sentence about love would appropriate for monks (since they should remain celibate)… but, typical, after all my worrying about that it turns out that in the end each and every single one of them wrote about love… At the end of the day they all had to read or perform their songs… one even rapped his! I asked whether tomorrow they wanted to work with the book they worked with with the old teacher or whether they wanted to do more writing; and they all said more writing!!! This of course made me feel like I’d done my job. Either way I plan on doing a lot of writing with them, I don’t know anything about grammar and anyway I think that going over repeats of the rules of grammar is both boring and difficult. So instead I plan to teach them about grammar inductively, but doing lots of writing and explaining their mistakes, wait I think that’s called inductive? Or was it deductive? Oops.

Some of the monks in the middle class.

Then the middle class arrived. I had planned to do a similar song writing exercise with them. I started with talking about songs and then about rhyming. But this group took much longer to understand the concept; which I should’ve anticipated. I tried and tried to explain it to them but it just wasn’t clicking. Then I decided to turn it into a game (which VIN volunteer coordinator Dinesh had given us lots of tips about), one line of the ground was the ‘yes’ line one was the ‘no’ line. I’d ask a question and if the answer was yes then they had to stay on the yes line if it was no then they’d have to jump forward to the no line. I asked questions like “do door and floor rhyme?”… it was a good change and it changed the atmosphere in the room for sure. Afterwards we wrote a very simple song together. But I realized that some of the boys, one in particular, weren’t participating at all. At the end of the class they all had to say a rhyme in order to be allowed to get out of the class. That one boy however was quite the whole time through. He was last in the class and I went to talk to him. It turns out that he speaks NO ENGLISH AT ALL! How can he be put in the middle class if he can’t even understand me asking if he’s alright?! So I asked one of the other students to come back and translate. I asked whether he could start coming at 9:00 am to the easier class; turns out he has Tibetan class at that time… So this is what is difficult for me… I don’t know what to do. I offered to teach him about English at dinner times and I think this is what might happen, or I might split the middle class into two 30 minute groups? I don’t know, I don’t know. If you have advice please help!

When I was done with class I had lunch and then went back to my room, had a phone call with mom and was feeling all emotional because I miss her. When I put the phone down I started crying and just when I started crying my neighbor, a Yogi called Tenzin, popped up at my window. Perfect. So puffy eyed and half-crying I opened up the door. Of course he was very kind and understanding and told me that it was good to release my emotions. He had come because he had organized a meeting for me to meet the top monk to ask him whether he could teach me. I was slightly terrified but Tenzin really helped me. He lent me a white scarf; a sign of respect which I should give to the top lama when I meet him. Tenzin also told me that I should bring an offering for the top lama; so I brought two mangos, a bag of cashews and a bag of almonds. The helper of the top lama (a monk called Ngodup) came to get me within 20 minutes and we walked up to his house. There I was let inside and a young monk (about 30) came and greeted me… then I realized that HE was the top lama. Oh my, I had expected an old, wrinkly, grey man to come downstairs and greet me. Turns out this monk is the grandson of the previous top lama AND a supposedly a reincarnation of another great monk; he is very very wise. I nervously handed over the scarf and the offerings and then he invited me to come and sit on the couch. There we talked about where I had come from, the monastery itself and what I already know about Buddhism (not much). He is a very timid and reserved man, and of course when someone is very quiet I get verbal diarrhea (this is something I need to work on)… I ended up telling him lots and maybe was being too direct when I simply asked him whether he could be my teacher. But he was very accepting and slowly nodded his head and asked about what I am interested in. I told him that I am very interested in learning about the concept of emptiness and learning about Karma, I said I’d also love to learn how to meditate (I really have problems with this) and finally I started talking about how I feel a lot of sadness. Sadness not in the trivial sense of being upset with a friend because they said something mean but being upset because I feel powerless. I explained how I see the damage we are doing to the environment, and that I want to help but that I am just one person and that it makes me sad that I feel so powerless. Same thing with the way animals are treated in the industry, I want to help but there is only so much I can do… it kills me. And whilst explaining this I started crying… again, typical Charlotte… having a break down in front of one of the most important people. As I started crying I could see Ngodup (who was in the room with us drinking tea) awkwardly and uncomfortably taking very slow sips whilst avoiding all eye contact. Oh man. I was busy trying to control my snot and apologizing when the top monk said that it was okay, that it just shows him how compassionate I am (a concept which I’ve found out is the root of Buddhism). So I guess crying was okay. We talked some more and he said that he wants to teach me but that he needs time to figure out what and how. He explained that a lot of the things that they teach beginners (about compassion for example) I already understand; he even said that I may have a Karmic link (?) with Buddhism, that I may have been a monk in a past life or something (woah, what?). So he is taking his time in making a sort of curriculum and teaching will start on Monday.

I feel this though, with Buddhism. Here I am reading these books and being told these stories of the teachings of Buddha and I have these moments where I’m hearing or reading what he taught and at times these things are things which I have concluded before, on my own. It is crazy reading a book and then coming to a concept and realizing that these teachings are something which you have thought about before just in different words. It just feels amazing and crazy and I don’t know. It just feels right?

Paldin making friends

Anyway, after I got back to my room I cried some more for a bit. Yeah, OKAY, I KNOW I CRY A LOT… it’s just there’s so much to process and so many new things I’m learning about myself and about the world that it gets overwhelming at times and I just need to let it out... After crying I went to make some tea downstairs but the stove wouldn’t turn on, then Paldin (the Yogi who I had the 2 hour conversation with the first day) walked past, so I asked him for help. We ended up having tea together and having an awesome conversation again. Then about 1 and a half hours later he was leaving to go on his daily walk… and without thinking about it I invited myself along (yeah… inviting myself along is one of my great powers, some may say it’s my forte…). So I ran upstairs to get my phone, some money, the beast (aka my massive and ugly Polaroid camera) and we went off. He brought me up into the mountains to a river. Really, it’s amazing here… I don’t know how I’m going to go back to the desert. AND there are animals everywhere! I get WAY too excited when I see animals. Oh my there were these baby goats and I went crazy… I swear I’m like a little kid again when I see animals. Here are Paldin and I, talking about something philosophical, talking about all this deep stuff and then suddenly I’ll see a puppy, or a goat, or a chicken, or a cow walking on the street and I’ll just zone out, get overly excited and only focus on that. Yeah… OH YEAH I have a secret plan, I want to try to get the monastery a baby goat, Paldin said I first have to ask the top lama though, but you know, he’ll become my teacher and I’ll have some wasta then wallah I’ll make it happen. Okay, okay, it’s not just because I want a baby goat; I think it’d be good for the young monks, I think animals can help a lot with teaching compassion. Then Paldin said he had a surprise! We went to a tea house! THE VIEW WAS AMAZING. We had some lemon tea and then I saw that there was Momo on the menu (a Nepali specialty, I swear if you ever go to Nepal you have to try it atleast once) and I got super excited because it’s so freaking delicious (it’s like a dumpling filled with veggies). Paldin and I always have a continuous conversation so there were no awkward silences and thus no verbal diarrhea. It was great.

Having trouble deciding
what to get because almost
everything on the menu is
vegan and I'm not used to
having to make a choice...

Paldin showed me that you could see Mahayana (the monastery where Colten and Rachel are staying) from where we were sitting and I realized that I had forgotten that I was supposed to call them! (because we had made plans that they were coming to the monastery I’m staying at tomorrow) I called them and they told me the tragic news; they weren’t coming anymore. They were planning to go to the VIN office to ask if they could be placed in a different monastery! A different monastery? Why?! Colten explained that they had come to Nepal and joined the monastery program because they wanted to learn about Buddhism but no one in there monastery wants to teach them! This is totally new to me, monks who DON’T want to talk to you about Buddhism or help you with Tibetan?! Turns out not every monastery and not all the monks are like the ones at Nyingmapa, and I don’t know if it’s because of my ‘karma’, and what I attract or because of how I didn’t ask anyone to teach me and how I first became there friends, or maybe it’s because I had no expectations coming here (which they clearly had, and which in Buddhism is something that you should prevent because of how everything is always changing “nothing is permanent” ect. ect.). So I think it’s a mix of the monks here and how helpful they are, and maybe the way in which I have handled the situation, putting the friendship first and then slowly starting conversations about Buddhism instead of the first thing I say to them being “can you teach me about Buddhism?!”. I don’t know, but either way I feel even more grateful now (hence the name of this post). I thought monks at every monastery were like this, but it turns out that is not the case. This realization makes Nyingmapa and its monks all the more special to me.

The view from the tea house, the yellow building is the monastery!

Yes, today was a very eventful day, and I’m sure tomorrow will be interesting too. Colten, Rachel and I decided that we are all going to Kathmandu together tomorrow. I was supposed to go to the Mahayana monastery by bus, but this scares me, so Paldin offered to cycle there with me (cyclinggggg my Dutch self is jumping with joy). Either way the monks are very welcoming here and if Colten and Rach can’t get to another monastery they will be more than welcome to spend their afternoons here, I’ll introduce them to everyone and maybe they can even come to class with me when I go to the top lama. I don’t know, but I do know that I want to share all the wonderful things that Nyingmapa has to offer, because it and the people are just great.

Charlotte x